A Letter to My 13-Year-Old Self

I turned 31 this week, and I wore the first pair of earrings I got for my 13th birthday - the year I was FINALLY able to get my ears pierced. It got me to thinking about what things were important to me then, and all the life that's happened since I turned the reverse of my current age.

In a stroke of unapologetic cliche, I decided to write my 13-Year-Old self a letter, in the hope that one day a trip in the TARDIS might allow me to deliver it.

Dear 13-Year-Old Charity,

I'm so excited that you just turned 13! I remember that excitement, because I equaled it last year when I - we - turned 30.

What? 30? That seems so old to you, I know. Trust me - it's younger than you can imagine. As much as you're looking forward to being a teenager, believe me - your 30's are better. I mean, you - we - have a driver's license now. And a car. And a college degree. And those piercings in your ears aren't even the only ones in my body. And...well, I can't spoil too much.

I know what you want to know most: you want to know if I'm - you're - married now. Sorry. Spoilers! What I can tell you is that Jesus is enough to satisfy every need. Don't focus so much on getting married and having kids; focus on the fact that Jesus has already proven that He's a provider, by dying on the cross and providing for your salvation, and He proves it every day in a million ways.

You probably also want to know if you went - will go - to college. Yes, you will. But did you ever doubt that, anyway? It's both everything and nothing you expect, so enjoy the ride.

Anyway, I'm writing not only to answer your questions, but also to give you advice. Here are three things I want you to remember always:

1. Focus on the moment. Rather than try so hard to figure out when you're going to graduate, when you're going to college, when you're going to FINALLY get to plan your wedding, just...be. Be where you are, enjoy your youth while you can, and don't waste your teen years by wanting to be 20 already. You just got here. Be here for a while.
2. Focus on other people. Without spoiling anything, let me just say that you take your family relationships too much for granted. You won't always live with your three brothers (oh, sorry, you only have two right now - oops), so get to know them personally and invest in them. You won't always have your sisters, so don't waste any time by arguing about stupid stuff. Your parents won't always be in the same state (or country) as you, so soak up their wisdom and time while you can.
3. Focus on Jesus. You know this, but please start to live it. You are His princess, the daughter He planned before the foundation of the world, His special favorite. Focus on Him, get to know Him, and let His love flow through you to the people around you.

I promise that the things you're wrapped up in now won't last. Braces won't always be on your teeth. The excitement of ear piercing won't always carry you through the day. School isn't even eternally on your horizon. Oh, but doing your own laundry - yeah. Yeah, that's not going anywhere. Welcome to that.

Life will be gloriously difficult, and devastatingly easy. You'll make excellent decisions, which will surprise you. And you'll make stupid mistakes, which really won't matter that much, believe it or not. You'll experience the paradox of having your dreams come true while your plans crumble around you. You'll know utter sorrow and ultimate comfort simultaneously. You'll jump with joy even as a part of you is dying on the inside. You'll go through phases you'll regret and seasons you won't want to end. You'll write, dance, edit, and organize your way through life, and you'll love every minute - even the sucky ones. (Oh yeah, sucky is a word we say now. That's another nice thing about being grown up - you can say words like that.) 

So while I can't (or won't) answer all of your questions about the future, at least you know one thing now: you make it to 31. And the TARDIS is real, which is kind of awesome.

Love,

Future Charity

P.S. If you think about it when you're 19, send the president of Fox TV a letter asking him not to cancel "Firefly." You won't like the show at the time, but future generations and I will thank you. On second thought, if time travel is possible, someone probably already killed him so he couldn't cancel it. But, you know, it wouldn't hurt.

P.P.S. And maybe lose the fanny pack. Those weren't even cool in the 90's. Oh, and don't get too attached to scrunchies; they'll go out of style, and you'll be devastated.

Four Completely Serious Grammar Rules

Everyone knows I'm a grammar geek. It's no secret that I enjoy diagramming sentences, I correct people's pronouns without stopping to think about it, and I regularly take red pens to church bulletins.

What you may not know is that I have discovered some incredibly scientific punctuation rules in my studies and journeys - rules that are not widely known but that are widely violated and abused without any thought to their universal consequence. I'm here today to share these rules, and maybe even to save your life. Yes, these rules are THAT serious.

Exclamation points:

You guys, here's the thing. You only get so many exclamation points in your lifetime; when you use them up, you die. 

I know what you're thinking: "this chick be cra-cra." No, not at all. I'm serious! Here's how this rule works:

• Each person has an exclamation point limit.
• The limit is different for each person.
• The limits are unknown. Could be 0, could be 500,000,000, could be anything.
• When you use up your exclamation points, you die. This is not necessarily immediately - just sometime after you write/type your final exclamation point, and before you get the opportunity to write/type another. 
• The exclamation point limit is only decreased when the punctuation is typed or written, not spoken or implied.
• When you use an exclamation point in print, and it gets reproduced or copied, the reproductions or copies do NOT subtract from your limit.
• If you type/write one, and it gets deleted or erased, it goes back into your lifetime supply.

Here are the standard practices I've adopted in order to avoid an early death:

• Never use more than one exclamation point at a time.
• Never use exclamation points on more than half of the sentences on the page or in the post.
• Spread the word of this rule whenever possible.

Commas:

Each keyboard has a comma limit. When it is reached, the comma key stops working and you get sentences like the following, only worse. 

You can see how that would be a problem.

Question Marks:

Okay, people. A question is either interrogative or not. Adding extra question marks doesn't make it more so. Just as a woman can't be more or less pregnant once she's pregnant, a sentence can't be more or less interrogative once it's interrogative.

I know, I know. You think an extra question mark adds urgency. No, it does not. All those extraneous question marks end up floating around the universe and cluttering up space. They want a home, so they attach themselves to the end of any old sentence? Listen closely, and you can hear them in speech? Mostly, this happens in Australia, but it's becoming more and more prevalent in America?

So instead of adding urgency to the end of your sentences, those extra question marks end up making other people sound insincere and unintelligent. Are you proud of yourself now? Are you??

Apostrophes:

This is a gentle, delicate, sensitive punctuation that only wants to be useful in the world. Little baby apostrophes are born and bred to take the place of missing letters, and to show possession. They dream of growing up to provide clarity and even elegance to writing. But as they burst forth into the world, many of them find it a harsh place, full of people who think that plurals and my last name need apostrophe's. Its a travesty, really. A trave'sty.

If you have ANY questions about apostrophes, I beg you - refer to this chart:

http://theoatmeal.com/comics/apostrophe

-----

And thus end's this instructional, even life-saving post? Happy National Punctuation Day* everyone!

*National Punctuation Day is on Sep 24 every year. 

Things I Wish I Could Put on My Resume

I'm in the middle of updating and revising my resume right now, and I think it's a shame that I can't include "Oldest of Seven Children" on my list of qualifications/experiences. If I could, it would look a bit like this:

OLDEST 

     Of seven children, everywhere USA and the world 

     July 1999 - Present 

In my position as the oldest offspring of two homeschooling parents, I have spent my life honing communication skills, putting other people's needs before my own, and learning how to be a responsible employee. From my younger siblings and parents, I can benefit your company in the following ways:

• Communication:
• Maintain conversations with people in multiple time zones and countries (simultaneously mocking the way people look on Skype and Google Hangout)
• Hold each simultaneous conversation on a different electronic or face-to-face platform (blaming the bandwidth for static and dropped calls)
• Customer Service:
• Ignore the things I need in order to make sure everyone else is happy (making sure everyone else knows how selfless I am)
• Listening to the needs of other people (then telling them to shut up because their problems are crap)
• Organization:
• Keep drawers, cupboards, desks, and rooms tidy (cleaning only in order to avoid my own chores)
• Plan large parties for dozens of people (delegating tasks to various siblings and then blaming them when something isn't done well)
• Responsibility:
• Supervising half a dozen people in a task (taking all the credit when it's completed in a timely, efficient manner)
• Completing tasks in a timely, efficient manner all by myself (after pushing away the person who was doing it all wrong to begin with)

I just don't understand why employers don't ask for stuff like this. ;-)

In all seriousness, I think about my family every day when I'm at work. Nearly every time someone compliments one of my skills, I can point to my mom, dad, or abundance of siblings for teaching me how to be an excellent employee - and, I hope, a gracious person and halfway decent sister.

Instead of a Christmas Letter...

My Year in Review: 2012 in Charity-land

Georgia, Florida, California. Weekend adventures, beach-walking, road-tripping, moving. Hotels, apartments, bay-side living, even my car. New friends, new places, old friends, and older memories. 15 states (3 of them new), 8 planes, a few trains, and thousands of miles on my car. Turned 28 for the second time and settled down for the first time. Bought a bed, a Kindle Fire, a new computer, and the usual share of wedding presents. Attended 1 wedding, 0 baby showers, and 0 funerals. Made scrolls for the first time and chocolate chip cookies for the millionth time. I visited my family, and they visited me.

This was the first year since 1979 that we didn't have our entire family in one place at the same time; it was the first year that we didn't fight over what to wear for family pictures; the first year I was the one watching a sibling move off to another country indefinitely; the first time I missed a roommate reunion since I started going to them; first year since college that I have only one W-2.

I'm good. Good apartment, good city, good roommate, good job, good church, good Bible study, good friends, good-ish car, good computer, good times. Commitment-phobia: still present, but less than in 2011. San Diego: fantastic (do I really live here?).

Things I didn't do: camp, take up smoking, replace my car, get a boyfriend, kick my caffeine addiction, read J. K. Rowling's new book, get a piercing, get a traffic ticket, have a baby, bake a cake, go skydiving.

Things I did do: lived in a hotel, took up a collection, fixed my car, thought about getting a boyfriend, kicked my toe (and fell on my thumb), read the unabridged "Les Miserables," got a roommate, got in a traffic accident (minor - no injuries), held a few babies, baked cookies, went snorkeling.

Top THAT, 2013. I dare ya.

12 Things I Did for the First Time: in 2012

• Road-tripped cross-country solo (Everybody sing: "I'm ridin' solo / I'm ridin' solo")
• Cooked eggplant - successfully, I might add
• Mailed a package to Sweden
• Illuminated a scroll (can't post a pic, until the person it was for receives it)
• Registered a car in California (though, I didn't obtain my CA driver's license for the first time)
• Bought a bookshelf
• Drank wine
• Tasted beer (Wow, two alcohol-related bullet points. Scandalous!)
• Wrapped every Christmas gift before giving it
• Refinished (and re-upholstered) a piece of furniture. With Roommate. But still.
• Attended a pirate festival
• Denied my real age (I told everyone I was turning 28 again, because prime numbers annoy me)

So yeah, it was a pretty good year. Not gonna lie.

Happy '13, everyone! (Ugh, a prime number)

Further Thoughts on Home

With much conflicted feelings, I decided to leave my "location independent" lifestyle and settle down in San Diego, California. I told myself I'd travel for a year and see what happened, and yesterday marked 11 months, so that's pretty darn close.

Four weeks ago, I did a solo road trip from Tallahassee to San Diego. Even less than an hour after I left Tallahassee, I had the sense that I was going home. It made me so happy that I was going to have a home - not just a random place to crash for a few weeks/months - that I actually started crying before I was even out of Florida.

To my delighted surprise, I haven't once doubted my decision to stop moving around for a while. In San Diego, I'm home - totally home. It's like I gathered up all the other pieces of me that I left everywhere else around the world and put them back into place, and all that's left in the other locations is just the imprint in the dust that gathered around the pieces I'd loaned them for a while.

Of course, my fear of commitment didn't go away immediately, and I still struggle with thoughts of what will happen if I lose my job or if something bad happens to my family while I'm away or whatever. It seems like every time in my life up to this point that I try to settle down, something bad happens. I tell myself that it was just to get me to this time and place where I'm supposed to be - but sometimes the commitment-phobe in me doesn't listen. Even in the last four weeks, though, the fear has become quieter and less obnoxious.

This completely unexpected and welcome sense of having come home has prompted a lot of processing, as you can imagine, and I'm sure it will for months yet. For instance:

• I'm taking longer to find a church and community here, because I don't have to settle with the first group of people I meet.
• I don't know anymore if I should keep "wants to live all over the world" on my list of things I want in a man.
• I have to start paying attention to local news and politics again, because they actually affect me now.
• I have more things I want to achieve in life, but they're mostly things I can achieve here.  

Some good things about moving to San Diego:

• I already have friends all over So Cal.
• A friend put me in touch with a roommate who is so compatible with me it's ridiculous.
• I'm back on Pacific Time.
• The ocean is nearby.
• People actually visit me now instead of just saying they're going to. 

Not that I didn't love my "location-independent" lifestyle while it lasted; I did. I just feel like all of my life has prepared me to live in San Diego. The whole time I was traveling, I had this sense that I had to keep moving because I might be missing out on something better. But now, I don't. Like, maybe this is what I was looking for the whole time - but I sure wouldn't appreciate it this much if I hadn't lived in four other states in the last 12 months. Sure, I still want to mark the remaining 17 states and 3 continents off my list, and I haven't lost the desire to keep seeing the world - but I don't think I ever want to live anywhere else besides the greater San Diego area. Maybe I'm honeymooning a bit still, but I'm okay with that.

Now that I've bought four bookcases, a bed, and half of a living room set (my roommate bought the other half), I'm a little in mourning over the loss of the "easy" move I've been able to do every 2-13 weeks. Plus, my parents and two youngest brothers are driving the last of my stuff down from MN this week, so I'll probably never again be able to throw some stuff in my trunk and go.

So what about San Diego makes me feel at home? I don't have an exhaustive list yet, but here's a start. On a macro level, everything here feels "right" (Yes, I know you can't judge other places/cultures based on how yours does things; but having grown up in So Cal, I am hard-wired to think that the way So Cal does things is better) - everything from the palm trees to the 9-lane freeways to the street signs to the dining establishments (In-N-out, anyone?) to weather is just...right (for lack of a better, less-judgmental word).

Also on a macro level, it's everything I've ever wanted in the place I eventually settle down: big city, lots going on, lots to explore, not rainy all the time, not dusty and deserty, well-known location, day-trip adventure opportunities to keep me busy for a long time, and a super-fun downtown I probably want to live in someday.

I think it's the combination of big-city and Southern California that makes San Diego so wonderful to me - but even that doesn't explain it entirely, because LA wouldn't cut it; maybe it's the smog there or something, but LA hasn't felt like completely like home since I left in 2001. Here, I love the clear air, the multiculturalality, the friendlier feel, and easy freeway navigation. (This list is actually much longer, but I've been gushing long enough.)

I guess my concluding thought is that, I never thought I'd be completely at home ever again, and I have been pleasantly surprised by life and God. I can say unequivocally with C.S. Lewis that I have been "Surprised By Joy." Put differently: sometimes, God just makes me happy.

A New "30 Things" List

I ran across this article by Glamour Magazine from 1997, titled "30 Things Every Woman Should Have and Should Know by the Time She's 30." Shocked and a little offended by the shallowness and the outright wrongness of it, my friends and I decided to write our own list.

Without further ado, we present to you:
30 Things Every Woman Should Have, Know, and Do by the Time She's 30

DO:
1. Travel outside the country at least once (yes, those missions trips to Mexico count).
2. Go to a movie (restaurant/day trip/museum) alone.
3. Break down on the side of the road.
4. Wear a bridesmaid dress.
5. Help a friend through a break-up.
6. Read a Jane Austen novel cover-to-cover (movie versions don't count).
7. Paint an entire room.
8. Throw comfort zones to the wind and do something despite your fear.
9. Make the most of your twenties.
10. Nerd-out about something, without caring what other people think.

HAVE:
11. A basic tool set.
12. At least one outfit purchased at full price.
13. A laptop, a phone, and one other piece of technology you can't live without.
14. A full bookcase - or at least a shelf.
15. At least one guy (not-boyfriend) friend.
16. A friend who doesn't put up with your crap.
17. A pretty good idea of how to iron and mend clothing, if only in emergencies.
18. The self-control to stick to a diet every once in a while.
19. The self-esteem to know that diet-breaking isn't the end of the world.
20. Basic customer service skills, including the ability to say "I'm sorry."

KNOW:
21. How to unclog a toilet/sink.
22. What size jeans you wear (I mean, come on).
23. How to change a dirty diaper.
24. How to listen.
25. How to shop for baby showers.
26. How to be childlike without being childish.
27. The difference between "your" and "you're."
28. That you can't control your family's decisions, and that's okay.
29. How to articulate what you believe, for the most part.
30. How to laugh at yourself.

Many thanks to Joanna Schmitt and Amanda Bangor for helping with this list.

Further Thoughts on Singleness

I thought I'd said all I had to say on the subject of singleness, with my last post. But some comments prompted me to do further thinking (let's hear it for the commenters!).

My ponderings led me to three things:

1. Much emphasis (especially in the church) is placed on the value of marriage, thus implying that singleness is less valuable. MY THOUGHT: This implication is neither intentional nor true. Please ignore it. 
2. The predominant message to singles is that we need to be fixed somehow: we need to figure out why we're single and what we can do to change that; to straighten out our attitudes because we're sad/frustrated/impatient/lonely; to work on ourselves so that we'll be prime marriage material. I can't count the number of time a well-meaning friend has said with determination and decisiveness, "We need to find you a man. Let's see who you can date..." MY THOUGHT: Singleness doesn't make you broken; sin makes you broken. We all need attitude adjustments, we all could learn a little more contentment and thankfulness, and we all should continuously improve ourselves, regardless of relationship status.
3. One idea that pervades Christian circles is that once you are content being single, your spouse will come. MY THOUGHT: Your contentment is not God's cue to bring along Mr/Ms Right. I've gone back and forth between contentment and impatience more times than I can count - and that was just yesterday. ;-) Be content for its own sake - not as a means to an end.

But one commenter wanted to know: HOW do you become content, face the loneliness, and deal with the challenges of singlehood? Believe me, this is something I'm learning more about every day. (But of course that doesn't stop me from having bullet-pointed suggestions.)

• On a macro level, it helps to dwell on the good parts of whatever situation you're in. But don't ignore the bad parts. Are you sad/mad/lonely/frustrated that you don't have someone to rub your feet tonight? Acknowledge that and then put your feet up and eat some chocolate and start being thankful that no one cares about the smudge on your lip or the socks you just threw on the floor. Last night, I wanted a snuggle buddy, but I got off the mopey couch and made myself some pancakes in the microwave and thanked the heavens that I didn't have to cook for two. 
• On a micro level, I once had a lonely friend ask, "How can you stand traveling all by yourself? Is it even worth it if you're not with someone you love?" Since the answers are applicable to more than just travel, I thought I'd share:
• Do things anyway.
• Take pictures and share them with your Facebook peeps - that way your adventures are not completely solo.
• Text people along your trip (life/adventure/day/whatever) - you'll feel like someone is paying attention to your life, even if they can't be there to share your adventure.
• Take the opportunity to do things you would never do if you had someone with you: 
• pull over at a random spot on the road to take pics.
• stop at a random frozen yogurt joint and get the biggest ice cream cone ever because you can.
• take a random side street and see if it gets you where you're going.
• talk to random strangers because no one cares.
• get lost and don't worry about someone nagging you about directions.
• eat dinner at 3 pm because you feel like it.
• Remember, you are not defined by your singleness. It's not even a problem - it's just a fact, just like your hair color or your address or your birthday. It's one thing in the millions of things you get to process and experience in life. 

All my thoughts keep concluding with something like this: Life is great. Life sucks. So what? Live it and process the heck out of it, because "The unexamined life is not worth living." -Socrates

Joining the Singleness Conversation

I've been reading articles and books lately on singleness and the growing phenomenon of singleness in this country and around the world. Whatever the reasons these articles/books/shows/documentaries actually provide for this trend (women are being empowered to be more choosy, men are being encouraged to be less chivalrous, cohabitation and divorce are at all-time highs, etc.), they generally say one of two things:

1. Singleness is empowering.
2. It's okay for it to suck sometimes, though.

When it comes to books about the topic of singleness, I find that they are mostly geared toward women, and fall on two extreme ends of the spectrum (with a little bit of everything in between).

1. On the ultraconservative end, we have books for single women who live with their families until their father approves their marriages.
2. On the ultra-liberal end, we have books for single women who date around and fall in and out of love and ultimately learn to love themselves.

But I have yet to see a book with me as the target audience. I am a strong, independent, confident, pretty, late-20-something woman who has never been on a date, has never been kissed, and certainly has never had a boyfriend. I live by myself, I travel the world, I like men, and I make friends easily. I even love myself (if you couldn't tell that from the previous two sentences). So where's the book on singleness for me?

I know, I know - you're going to tell me to read books geared toward Christian women - books like "Captivating" or "Every Woman's Battle." You might even tell me to read books geared toward singles in general, like this one I found in a quick Amazon search.

What I don't want is another book to tell me that "falling in love (or getting married) is the ultimate event around which your life is based." Believe me, I'm perfectly capable of telling myself that. What I don't want is another article that says, "Singleness is inevitable - so go out and date and have fun and love yourself." Believe me, I love myself, I have fun, and I don't really care about wasting my time on random dates (if I even knew how to get one).

What I do want is a book that says - well, something like this:

So you're single. So what?

Sometimes, singleness is the most amazing thing in the world; you get to come home, kick off your shoes anywhere, find the remote right where you left it, eat a Lean Cuisine while watching the show of your choice, and go to sleep in a bed you can roll around on and hog the covers in. No one cares if you snore, get up in the middle of the night, or blast your alarm at an ungodly hour. There's no one else's opinion to consider when you make plans and decisions, and there's no one who can stop you from doing what you want with your life (within reason, of course).

Sometimes, singleness is the worst state of being you can imagine: you have to come home to an empty house, there's no one to rub your feet after a long day, you have no one to blame but yourself for the missing remote, the only thing to eat in the house is cold cereal, and you can't even snuggle with someone while watching TV. You have to go to sleep in a cold, big bed, and the covers don't warm you up fast enough by themselves. No one rolls you over when you snore, flops their arm over you when you get back into bed after getting up in the middle of the night, or helps motivate you to get up at that ungodly hour - again. There's no one to help you make plans and decisions, and there's no one who can help you get where you're going in life.

But so what? Married people have joys and problems. Parents have joys and problems. Siblings, as you know, have joys and problems. It's what you make of every moment that makes life what matters.

You might get married someday; you might not. So what?

Your relationship status doesn't define you. The culture doesn't define you. The studies don't define you. Your friends' relationship statuses don't define you. Your church's expectations don't define you. Your preconceived notions of where you'd be at 29 years old don't define you.

Or maybe all these things define you - or at least pieces of you.

But your identity is in Jesus. Everything else is just details. Bonus material. Special features. Footnotes.

You have been raised with your generation's notion that every individual can and should carve his/her own niche in this crazy lifetime. Embrace this. Maybe your place is the one that says, "It's okay for previously-homeschooled, single women in their late twenties to just say no to poofy hair; to not live at home, teach piano, and knit a trousseau; to stop waiting in life-limbo for their fathers to find them husbands." Maybe your place is the one that says, "Life is amazing. Life sucks. Live and process it with no regrets - but don't let any one aspect of your life hold the rest of you back."

So maybe I shouldn't be asking "where's the book for me?" Maybe I should be asking, "Who wants to publish my first book?"

Homey Thoughts

As a traveler, I'm not surprised to find myself processing the concept of "home" lately. It's a topic that I've processed nearly non-stop since I moved to Oregon in 2001, but I have deeper thoughts now. So let's see if I can put them into words.

We've all heard, "Home is where the heart is," "Home is where you hang your hat," "Home is with your loved ones." None of these are wrong, but none of them encapsulates every aspect of home for me. With that in mind, I have broken down my processing into two parts: my concept(s) of home, and other people's expectations of my concept(s) of home.

My concept(s) of home:
Home is hard to define, but for the purposes of this section, it is a place where I can be completely myself and (mostly) not feel like a foreigner.

It's probably obvious to most people who know me, but home is not just one place. I can be "at home" in just about every place I've lived, and in some places I haven't. I can feel "like this is home" in a church, at a friend's house, or in a place of work. I feel equally home in Southern California and in Oklahoma. In the Filipino church where I was raised and in my dad's current church. At my college job in Plant Services and in my post-college job in Australia. Even now, after years away from some of those places/people, I know that a significant piece of me would be home there, were I to walk in the door tomorrow.

But for me, having lived and given of myself to many, many places and people, I can never feel completely home in any one place or with any one group of people. When I leave a piece of myself behind somewhere (or with someone), I know that that piece of me will ever only be at home at that place or with that person. Part of me is sad that I cannot gather up all of those pieces of myself again. But the other part of me doesn't regret for a moment any of my life and love decisions. The thing that is so appealing about heaven is that my entire self will be at home (with Jesus, no less!).

In my current Location Independent life/work situation, home has two immediate, practical meanings:
1. It's easy for me to call my hotel room "home" because that's where my stuff is.
2. But I learned in 2011 that I can live anywhere and put up with almost anything if I'm with my family. I have no particular love for Minnesota, but "going home for Christmas" meant being in the midst of my crazy, big, loud family; snuggling with any sister or brother at any time; talking to my mom in person and being interrupted every three seconds; speed-talking and having people understand me; reading a book in a comfy seat while the chaos around me faded and I lost myself in the pages. I didn't go home to Minnesota - I went home to my family where I could be completely myself and not feel like a foreigner.

The way I live (half-in, half-out of my car; not knowing where I'm going to be from month to month)...well, it just seems right to me. It wouldn't have been right at other times in my life, and it will probably get old at some point. But for now, I'm perfectly happy - and I mean, really, really happy - to have my current life. I feel like I was born for it, and all my previous life experiences have led to it.

But over 99% of the people I interact with have never experienced this lifestyle and probably never will. That's where the second part of my processing comes in.

Other people's expectations of my concept(s) of home:
As a working, responsible citizen of the United States, I am expected to have a "home address." I don't. People had to send my Christmas presents to my family's MN home. I can't order anything from eBay or Amazon because I don't know if I'll still be living in the same hotel or the same room when it's delivered. My DL says MN, but I have bank accounts in two different states and coffee punch cards for at least four in my wallet.

As a traveler, I get asked all the time, "where's home for you?" It's a fair question, I guess, but I don't have a one-word answer. On the first day of my new job assignment, I had a conversation much like this with the lady who was processing my I-9:
her: Where are you from?
me: Most recently, from Missouri.
her: Oh, your Driver's license says Minnesota.
me: Yeah, that's where my parents live.
her: Your Social Security number - where's that from? Like, where were you born?
me: Dallas, TX
her: Ah, so that's where you were raised?
me: No, I grew up in Southern California.

Yes, when I say "I'm from everywhere," I really mean that. But most people have no concept of that, unless they're from a military family or something.

I wish I had an alternative to the question, "where is home for you?" and its equally frustrating twin, "where are you from?" I wish it weren't the opener question for get-to-know-you conversations. I'm perfectly okay with having a complicated and/or ambiguous answer, but I am a bit tired of everyone's confused looks and are-you-crazy attitudes.

I recently read the following article: 17 Location Independent Entrepreneurs Define “Home”. I was struck by how many of the 17 entrepreneurs said something like, "Wherever I have my backpack and a wi-fi connection, I'm home." While I have not gotten to where I can live out of a backpack (hey, this girl has to have her hair products and make-up kit), I do resonate with the idea that an Internet connection is all that's needed to be "home."

I will never, ever be physically present with everyone I love, all at once. So I might as well be away from them somewhere cool that has excellent wi-fi.

I love my life.

Dec Reads and Year-End Literary Reflections

Enemies & Allies: the Dark Knight Meets the Man of Steel – Kevin J. Anderson

The Lost Gate – Orson Scott Card

Suddenly Southern: a Yankee’s Guide to Living in Dixie – Maureen Duffin-Ward

Divergent – Veronica Roth

The Giver – Lois Lowry

December recommendation: Divergent. It’s the newest book in the newest wave of young adult literature (post-apocalyptic), and it received the 2011 GoodReads Choice Award. Fantastically written and not nearly as violent as The Hunger Games, it’s a fast but thought-provoking read. I read it in a day.

2011 recommendation: The Hunger Games. I know it’s all like mainstream and stuff now, and they’re coming out with a movie, but they were the only books this year for which I lost sleep. Bethany asked me earlier this month what I thought of them, and I responded, “The trilogy is violent, psychologically disturbing, heart-wrenching, and kind of disgusting. Yet it manages to be fascinating, riveting, and utterly fabulous.” I think that about sums it up.

My thought on post-vampire YA lit: I’ve now read three entire series of YA post-apocalyptic literature, and Divergent. In each one, the protagonist is a teenage girl. I understand why this is so (that’s their market, teenage girls provide easy fodder for conflict, etc.), but I would be interested in a series that sees the breakdown (or re-making) of social constructs through the eyes of a boy, or even a couple of characters.

On the other hand, books like Jasper Fforde’s Shades of Grey and Lois Lowry’s The Giver are not YA, and their protagonists are male. I find this to be an interesting distinction.

Aaaaanyway, here is my total count for the year:

Books finished: 58 

Most books read in a month: 13

Books unread on my shelf: Ummm...I can't remember. I think it's like 6. 

Goal for 2012: Tristram Shandy. Get ready for some blogging, baby, because it’s a doozy. 

Eleven things I learned in '11

11. No one likes it when you say something negative about their home state, but Georgians reeeeallllly don't like it.

10. Defining your dream is half the battle to achieving it.

9. Brandy snifters make excellent centerpieces.

8. A large part of me is home in Oklahoma, even though I've never lived there.

7. Nothing can prepare you for the emotional impact of moving to a natural disaster-destroyed town.

6. Nothing except travel can prepare you for travel.

5. Not all the single guys my age are fat, bald, and desperate (only about half of them are).

4. It's not so much novels that I'm addicted to, as the art of story-telling; watching entire seasons of television shows is equally rewarding on that level.

3. The phrase "location independent" is something I am going to start using regularly.

2. Living in a hotel is AWESOME.

1. Making your dreams come true is bloody hard work, mate. And in the end, it's God that makes it all happen anyway.

A Trip Fraught With Peril and Adventure

It's a long story, and I won't bore you with the details of the corporate politics, but I found myself needing to be hired back to Amedisys in order to start my new assignment in Georgia. My last day in Joplin was Dec. 6, and as of 4:30 that day, I still had not been able to get a hold of anyone to help me with my questions and paperwork and employment details. It was stressful, to say the least.

Fortunately for me, the CEO came to visit our office that day, along with one of the Executive Vice Presidents and one of the Senior Vice Presidents. Also, it just so happened that I was able to ride along with the CEO and the marketing person for my office, on a tour of the Joplin tornado damage. At the end of the ride, I had the assurance of Mr. CEO that my problem (of political crap hindering my employment) would be taken care of immediately; by the end of the night, I had the same assurance from the EVP and SVP.

That night, I finished packing my car and went to bed happy that I wouldn't have anything else to worry about.

The next day, I left the house of the coworker who had put me up for a few nights, and started heading to the Greyhound station to pick up my mom. I got a call from a lady in HR, who was super confused as to why I would be moving to Georgia that day and pretty much told me I was crazy for thinking I had a job to go to.

So I picked up my mom and took her to lunch and toured Joplin and figured we might as well drive to Nashville for the night, because my uncle was expecting us. The HR lady called again, and when I told her I'd spoken to the CEO and EVP and SVP, her demeanor changed, and she assured me she'd take care of the situation with all due speed.

We spent the night in Nashville, and even though my job wasn't secure yet, I started driving to Georgia because, well, what else was I gonna do? On the way, I got a call from the HR lady and the director of the agency in Georgia, and they told me I could be re-hired the next day (Friday) and start on Monday. Not only did I have a job, but also was I going to get to live in a hotel and get a food allowance. Score!

With that settled, we continued our drive to Summerville, Georgia, only to have Jasper (my '02 Intrepid) pick up the nasty habit of smoking. We pulled over in a random parking lot on the side of the highway, opened the hood, and stared with dismay at the smoke pouring out from under the hood.

Fortunately, a couple of houses down, there was a family outside putting up Christmas lights. They just happened to have a card for a mechanic not far down the road. When I called the mechanic, he gave me the number of a tow truck driver who came and picked up Jasper. The mechanic shop was named "Jasper Engines," which I thought was rather serendipitous.

Jasper was diagnosed with a faulty radiator, and the mechanic stayed over an hour past his normal closing time to perform corrective surgery. Fortunately, I'd cancelled my appointment to sign on an apartment, so I had the money to pay for it.

By this time, it was almost 8 p.m., and I still didn't have a place to stay for the night. So we drove to Summerville and checked into the first cheap motel we saw. It's a good thing we didn't pay much, because there were two bulb-less lamps, stained towels, and a bathroom door that didn't open all the way.

The next morning, I went to my new office to fill out the necessary e-forms to be re-hired to Amedisys, only to find out that my profile hadn't been loaded correctly. That took a couple of hours to fix. In the meantime, my mom took my car and headed off to find a place in the town of 4500 people that had free wi-fi so she could do some work online. There was no such place. Neither was there a coffee shop. I began to wonder what I was getting myself into.

A few hours later, I found out the name of the hotel where I'll be living for the next 4-6 weeks, in Rome, Georgia (fortunately, bigger than 4500 people - and they even have a mall). So my mom and I drove out there, only to find that the hotel didn't have the authorization they needed to charge the credit card that was going to pay for the room.

By this time, I was so done with driving around with all (well, most) of my earthly possessions in my car. But there was nothing I could do, so we left the hotel and went to dinner. Somewhere around 5 p.m., I could finally check in. So we packed a cart full of stuff from my trunk and back seat, and unloaded it in my room. But since I'm living in a hotel now, I don't need any of my linens or kitchen appliances or anything, so my truck is still full of stuff.

Around 9:30, right about the time they were "moving that bus" on Extreme Makeover; Home Edition on TV, I got a call from the front desk. They still hadn't had a visit from the lady with the credit card, so they could swipe it. Basically, I was staying in the hotel without having paid. Grrr...but what can I do?

This morning, I'm exhausted. Since Tuesday, I've met and gotten something I wanted from the CEO, driven to a new city without the certainty of a job or living situation, put a few hundred dollars into my car, and been thwarted every. single. step. of the way.

On the plus side, fixing Jasper was less expensive than leasing an apartment, I've marked three more states off my list (KY, TN, and GA) to make it an even 30, arranged to start my new assignment on Monday, and even bought plane tickets to go back to MN for Christmas. I even have a clearer direction of what my career with Amedisys could look like, especially now that the CEO is sold on my idea of being a traveling Business Office Manager.

But I still don't know if my hotel room is paid for.

November Reads

The Power of Six by Pittacus Lore
The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde
Pinocchio, Vampire Slayer by Dusty Higgins and Van Jenson

"The Power of Six" is the sequel to "I am Number Four," and it is nice, but not spectacular.

"The Picture of Dorian Gray" is just as amazing as I expected it to be. The only novel by playwright Oscar Wilde, it is full of the banter, snide remarks, and fast-moving plot that Wilde is known for. The main character's journey is fascinating, and the ending hits with a bang.

"Pinocchio, Vampire Slayer" is a random graphic novel I picked up at my friend's house over Thanksgiving. The medium of graphic novels is interesting to me, and I love the sheer nerdiness of turning Pinocchio into a vampire slayer (his nose is a stake, get it?). It was a fast read, and made me laugh a lot, despite its dark elements and sometimes confusing animation.

And that's my story! I'm pretty impressed that I managed to read three books in the same month that I put almost 2000 miles on my car, watched three seasons of "Lois & Clark," moved out of my apartment, and spent five days in Texas. Good times.

October Read - final thoughts on the big Mo-D.

What? They all die in the end? Someone should have warned me!

Just kidding.

Pages 601-655

Look to the horizon – it’s a bird, it’s a ship, it’s…dun, dun DUN…an OMEN. An oooooooommmmmeeeeeeen! There are lots of omens of impending doom, and then finally, on page 625, we finally spot Moby Dick. Thirty pages from the end, people. It took Ishmael over 100 pages just to get on the flipping boat, and we only get thirty pages of the most epic whale-vs-human battle in literary history. Anyway, the whale picks off crew members one by one and then takes the whole ship down. Ishmael survives and is picked up by a passing ship.

Best line: Is it I, God, or who, that lifts this arm? But if the great sun move not of himself; but is an errand-boy in heaven; nor one single star can revolve, but by some invisible power; how then can this one small heart beat; this one small brain think thoughts; unless God does that beating, does that thinking, does that living, and not I. By heaven, man, we are turned round and round in this world, like yonder windlass, and Fate is the handspike. And all the time, lo! that smiling sky, and this unsounded sea! [pg 622]

(The first few paragraphs of chapter 132 are also quite beautiful in their description of the sea and sky, but they were too long to type out here.)

The book has pros and cons, as does any literary classic. And so I present to you...

The Pros and Cons of Herman Melville's "Moby Dick," according to Charity:
Pros:
When you're done, you can say you've read it.
There's like some nice prose and stuff.

Cons:
The beginning (boring)
The middle (boring)
The end (only slightly less boring)

My main beef with the book (other than the boring bits) is the POV. We start out in Ishmael's first-person Point of View, but then we start jumping in and out of Ahab's head, and seeing what Ahab does alone in his cabin. By the end, Ishmael is an omniscient narrator, describing everything as though he was in every place, in everyone's head. YOU CAN'T HAVE AN OMNISCIENT FIRST-PERSON NARRATOR, HERMAN! Maybe he's trying to make some sort of point or something, but I see it as sloppy writing. If I had to rate it on a responsibility scale, it would rank only slightly higher than the narrative threads of Glee.

The book came out in the mid-1800's to mixed reviews. My favorite of the several that are printed in the back of my Barnes & Noble Classics edition is the one from January 1852, printed in the New York United States Magazine and Democratic Review:

Mr. Melville is evidently trying to ascertain how far the public will consent to be imposed upon. He is gauging, at once, our gullibility and our patience. [...] [I]f there are any of our readers who wish to find examples of bad rhetoric, involved syntax, stilted sentiment and incoherent English, we will take the liberty of recommending to them this precious volume of Mr. Melville's.

Since then, there have been many cinematic interpretations of this classic work. Perhaps my favorite can be found in two parts on that great cinematic forum, YouTube:

Part 1

Part 2

Okay, I'm done. This was the only book I finished this month, and I am okay with that. :-)

Thoughts on Twilight Vampires

Okay, so the "Twilight" series has its serious issues, not gonna lie. The plot, the character development, the exploitation of minor boys' abs - the list goes on, and I'm not going to debate all that.

What I don't get is why some Christians shun it on the basis that "vampires are blood-sucking demons," but they're okay with Wolverine, Superman, Spiderman, Mary Poppins, and a host of other supernatural characters. All these other superheros have special powers, weaknesses, and things they'd die or kill for.

I'm not saying everyone should read the "Twilight" series. I'm just saying that if you don't read them because you think that vampires are demons, you shouldn't read/watch any other stories where the main characters have supernatural abilities and odd weaknesses.

I also don't get why people shun it because "Edward and Bella have an unhealthy relationship." Ummm...ever read "Wuthering Heights"? "Romeo and Juliet"? "Jane Eyre"?

If you don't read "Twilight" because you don't want to read about an 18-yr-old falling in love with a brooding older man (or a selfish 17-yr-old), you'd have to rule out about half of the classic novels and plays kids read in school and college these days.

So...yeah. Feel free to commence throwing things.

This post has been brought to you by "Twilight" on cable television.

More on Moby

One hundred more pages down! Yayayay. This chunk seemed to go faster, because much of it was in Ahab's mind, which is perhaps the most fluid and interesting in the book. (How a first-person narrator gets into another character's mind is another question, which I may address in my closing thoughts on the book.)

Pages 501-600

Queequeg nearly dies, but decides not to. The ship meets another ship whose captain lost a limb to Moby Dick; but that captain didn’t go crazy because of it, whereas Captain Ahab gets crazier and crazier. After a particularly bad storm in which everyone nearly dies because of Ahab, the officers almost kill Ahab in his sleep but don’t because they realize they need him.

Best lines: For whatever is truly wondrous and fearful in man, never yet was put into words or books. And the drawing near of Death, which alike levels all, alike impresses all with a last revelation, which only an author from the dead could adequately tell. [pg 550]

---

The sky looks lacquered; clouds there are none; the horizon floats; and this nakedness of unrelieved radiance is as the unsufferable splendors of God’s throne. [pg 573]

(I think the thing that keeps me reading, is the hope that there will be more sentences like these. How a novel with such an exciting story and unbeatably beautiful prose can manage to be so boring is truly a tragedy.)

Moby Dick Continues

During the commercials of "The Office" and "Say 'Yes' to the Dress," I managed to get through another 100 pages of Moby Dick (what can I say? There was a "Say 'Yes'" marathon).

Pages 401-500

In perhaps one of the most thrilling scenes yet, the whalers are attacked by a school of whales and barely escape with their lives. Later, the cabin boy is accidentally left in the middle of the ocean while the three smaller boats go a-whaling, and the solitude and fear literally drive him insane.

Best line: Come; let us squeeze hands all around; nay, let us squeeze ourselves into each other; let us squeeze ourselves universally into the very milk of sperm and kindness. [pg 484]

(Ummmm...yeah. Let's do that.)

Moby Dick

I have decided not to give up on Moby Dick. How can I, a holder of a college degree in literature, allow a measly 697-page book to defeat me? I cannot - I repeat, canNOT.

So, I come armed with a cup of tea, a cozy blanket, and mad skimming skills to the book that almost schooled me.

However, I know that not all of my readers are readers of Melville and might enjoy a...ahem...condensed version, a la Charity. I am reading the Barnes & Noble Classic Edition, so feel free to follow along.

Pages 1-100

The first-person narrator, Ishmael, meets Queequeg and has many thoughts which would today be considered racist, white-dominant, bigoted, and insensitive – but for the time were probably generous, kind-hearted, and inter-culturally forward-thinking. The two strike up a bromance and decide to go to sea on the same ship.

Best line: Call me Ishmael. [pg 1]

(What can I say? It’s classic.)

Pages 101-200

While in bed together, Ishmael and Queequeg decide to go whaling. They board a ship with a mysterious captain.

Best line: La! la, ma’am! – Mistress! murder! Mrs. Hussey! apoplexy! [pg 115]

Pages 201-300

We find out that the captain, Ahab, has a heretofore unrevealed agenda: kill a white sperm whale named – you’ll never guess – Moby Dick. (Yes, I know you can figure this out from the cover, but just go with it.) Ishmael processes the symbolic meanings of the color white. Ishmael, Queequeg, and the crew find some whales, but they don’t catch any.

Best line: I am madness maddened. [pg 208]

(Actually, chapter 37 – where this quote is found – switches to Ahab’s internal monologue, and the prose is delicious. I read it five times and actually got stuck here for several months because I was loathe to get back into Ishmael’s head.)

Pages 301-400

The crew captures and kills a sperm whale. Ishmael and Queequeg’s bromance continues. Ishmael treats us to 50 pages of his thoughts about the sperm whale’s severed head. No joke: 50 pages. About the head.

Best line: Out of the trunk, the branches grow; out of them, the twigs. 

So, in productive subjects, grow the chapters. [pg 342]

(You’re not kidding me!)

Honorable mention: The crotch alluded to on a previous page deserves independent mention. [pg 342]

Stay tuned for the next three installments, coming as I finish the reading. I am freshly determined (mostly by lack of nightlife in Joplin) to conquer the book by the end of 2011. Also, I have decided that heavy skimming is allowed because, well, Ishmael is boring. (Sorry, Herman, ol' chap.)

September Reads

Stand-alone book:
The Bride Collector by Ted Dekker

Middle or ending books in series:
Radiant Shadows by Melissa Marr
A Breath of Snow and Ashes by Diana Gabaldon
Extras by Scott Westerfeld

Not a shabby list for the same month that I moved, started a new job, and got cable television. :-)

September recommendation: The Bride Collector by Tedd Dekker. He gets better and better with each book, and his thrillers transcend the usual Christian fiction. While his "Circle Trilogy" disappoints me more and more with each book that comes out, his other works have been on my list of favorite books since I discovered "Heaven's Wager" in high school.

Moby Dick: I'm three months away from ditching it. There's still hope, but it dies a little with each passing month.

Of course I have a library card for Joplin, where I'm living now. Anything I should borrow over the next almost-eight weeks?