Joining the Singleness Conversation

I've been reading articles and books lately on singleness and the growing phenomenon of singleness in this country and around the world. Whatever the reasons these articles/books/shows/documentaries actually provide for this trend (women are being empowered to be more choosy, men are being encouraged to be less chivalrous, cohabitation and divorce are at all-time highs, etc.), they generally say one of two things:

1. Singleness is empowering.
2. It's okay for it to suck sometimes, though.

When it comes to books about the topic of singleness, I find that they are mostly geared toward women, and fall on two extreme ends of the spectrum (with a little bit of everything in between).

1. On the ultraconservative end, we have books for single women who live with their families until their father approves their marriages.
2. On the ultra-liberal end, we have books for single women who date around and fall in and out of love and ultimately learn to love themselves.

But I have yet to see a book with me as the target audience. I am a strong, independent, confident, pretty, late-20-something woman who has never been on a date, has never been kissed, and certainly has never had a boyfriend. I live by myself, I travel the world, I like men, and I make friends easily. I even love myself (if you couldn't tell that from the previous two sentences). So where's the book on singleness for me?

I know, I know - you're going to tell me to read books geared toward Christian women - books like "Captivating" or "Every Woman's Battle." You might even tell me to read books geared toward singles in general, like this one I found in a quick Amazon search.

What I don't want is another book to tell me that "falling in love (or getting married) is the ultimate event around which your life is based." Believe me, I'm perfectly capable of telling myself that. What I don't want is another article that says, "Singleness is inevitable - so go out and date and have fun and love yourself." Believe me, I love myself, I have fun, and I don't really care about wasting my time on random dates (if I even knew how to get one).

What I do want is a book that says - well, something like this:

So you're single. So what?

Sometimes, singleness is the most amazing thing in the world; you get to come home, kick off your shoes anywhere, find the remote right where you left it, eat a Lean Cuisine while watching the show of your choice, and go to sleep in a bed you can roll around on and hog the covers in. No one cares if you snore, get up in the middle of the night, or blast your alarm at an ungodly hour. There's no one else's opinion to consider when you make plans and decisions, and there's no one who can stop you from doing what you want with your life (within reason, of course).

Sometimes, singleness is the worst state of being you can imagine: you have to come home to an empty house, there's no one to rub your feet after a long day, you have no one to blame but yourself for the missing remote, the only thing to eat in the house is cold cereal, and you can't even snuggle with someone while watching TV. You have to go to sleep in a cold, big bed, and the covers don't warm you up fast enough by themselves. No one rolls you over when you snore, flops their arm over you when you get back into bed after getting up in the middle of the night, or helps motivate you to get up at that ungodly hour - again. There's no one to help you make plans and decisions, and there's no one who can help you get where you're going in life.

But so what? Married people have joys and problems. Parents have joys and problems. Siblings, as you know, have joys and problems. It's what you make of every moment that makes life what matters.

You might get married someday; you might not. So what?

Your relationship status doesn't define you. The culture doesn't define you. The studies don't define you. Your friends' relationship statuses don't define you. Your church's expectations don't define you. Your preconceived notions of where you'd be at 29 years old don't define you.

Or maybe all these things define you - or at least pieces of you.

But your identity is in Jesus. Everything else is just details. Bonus material. Special features. Footnotes.

You have been raised with your generation's notion that every individual can and should carve his/her own niche in this crazy lifetime. Embrace this. Maybe your place is the one that says, "It's okay for previously-homeschooled, single women in their late twenties to just say no to poofy hair; to not live at home, teach piano, and knit a trousseau; to stop waiting in life-limbo for their fathers to find them husbands." Maybe your place is the one that says, "Life is amazing. Life sucks. Live and process it with no regrets - but don't let any one aspect of your life hold the rest of you back."

So maybe I shouldn't be asking "where's the book for me?" Maybe I should be asking, "Who wants to publish my first book?"