OLDEST
Of seven children, everywhere USA and the world
July 1999 - Present
In my position as the oldest offspring of two homeschooling parents, I have spent my life honing communication skills, putting other people's needs before my own, and learning how to be a responsible employee. From my younger siblings and parents, I can benefit your company in the following ways:
- Communication:
- Maintain conversations with people in multiple time zones and countries (simultaneously mocking the way people look on Skype and Google Hangout)
- Hold each simultaneous conversation on a different electronic or face-to-face platform (blaming the bandwidth for static and dropped calls)
- Customer Service:
- Ignore the things I need in order to make sure everyone else is happy (making sure everyone else knows how selfless I am)
- Listening to the needs of other people (then telling them to shut up because their problems are crap)
- Organization:
- Keep drawers, cupboards, desks, and rooms tidy (cleaning only in order to avoid my own chores)
- Plan large parties for dozens of people (delegating tasks to various siblings and then blaming them when something isn't done well)
- Responsibility:
- Supervising half a dozen people in a task (taking all the credit when it's completed in a timely, efficient manner)
- Completing tasks in a timely, efficient manner all by myself (after pushing away the person who was doing it all wrong to begin with)
I just don't understand why employers don't ask for stuff like this. ;-)
In all seriousness, I think about my family every day when I'm at work. Nearly every time someone compliments one of my skills, I can point to my mom, dad, or abundance of siblings for teaching me how to be an excellent employee - and, I hope, a gracious person and halfway decent sister.
